The Struggle With Fertility!!

when i get asked how many kids i have and i answer 6, people sure wouldn't think that i  struggle with fertility problems.
So it has taken me a very long time to open up about this and i have decided to explain and go a little into detail about what really is the problem.
I conceived my first 3 with no problems, i have had short yet very painful labors with all the kids. with my first i almost died as i hemorrhaged pretty bad, but that's another thing to tell at a later date.
When i got pregnant with my 4th baby we were really over joyed as it took about 3 months when it happened, at that time we were living in Europe and seeing your doctor before 8 weeks is not really a thing there. so i went for my first scan when i was about 18 weeks into my pregnancy, this was almost 12 years ago so seeing as i had kids prior my doctor' was not too worried so a scan was scheduled later as everything looked fine other wise including blood work.
the day of my scan i went in alone as my husband just started a job and couldn't take off, the technician seemed to be pressing really hard on my stomach and kept asking me my dates again and kept stopping and starting the scan.she suggested that i go into the doctors office for a scan to be performed by him as he is having problems finding a heart beat.so i called the receptionist and she got me in that same evening, this time my husband was with me and i was a bundle of nerves, even with all the support my husband gave me i still knew something was wrong. the moment came and he performed a vaginal ultrasound, and to our horror the baby didn't have a heartbeat,we both looked at each other and without words knew just how we felt. the worst part was i had to go home and wait to miscarriage. he had said i should miscarriage the baby in 2 weeks, the worst part of walking out the office was knowing my baby was dead inside me and i couldn't do a thing, 20 weeks came along and signs of miscarriage started, i had to be taken by ambulance as i was starting to hemorrhage again. the only thing i remember is being rushed to the emergency room put on a wheelchair and there was blood dripping everywhere, the performed a emergency DNC and the next thing i remember was waking up wrapped in foil cover to keep me warm.i remember having all the nurses ask me if i was OK and the only thing i could say was yes, i just wanted to be alone and not talk to anyone.
Our doctor said we could try again in 6 weeks. so we did try and got pregnant again. it took some time but we had a beautiful rainbow baby boy who is now 10 years old. after having him i taught i was done having kids, i now had 4 and i taught that's a good number to stop and after the year and half we had i wasn't sure i wanted to go through that again. a year later we moved back to the states and something lighted inside and my husband felt the same way, so we decided to try again. this time it took 6 months and we had a little scare as i was showing signs of miscarriage in the beginning. after having a beautiful baby girl after 3 boys i knew i wanted another little girl, so we started trying again and it took 22 months of trying which were super stressful and we gave up a few times. at this time we knew wanted 8 kids and even thou that sounded crazy for many people who saw us together and our kids understood how much our family matters. so after 22 months of trying and praying for another blessing the lord gave us a beautiful baby girl, i remember telling my husband that i don't know how late i am so he said take a test it cant hurt, i took the test and my husband was the one waiting, next thing i know we are both in tears and hugging each other, the next day my doctor did a scan and there was this beautiful blessing with a strong heartbeat and i was already 9 weeks. our doctor suggested and gave us the go ahead that if we wanted we were clear to start trying right away as everything went perfect, so we did, our baby girl now is no longer a baby girl she is going to be 4 this December. it has been over 3 years that we have been trying, we have been on fertility medication and 3 failed IUI's in April we decided to stop trying and stressing about it. we both have decided to do whatever it takes to get our minds off it. its still a hard journey even thou we have both found peace somehow, what makes it harder is looking at the kids and knowing i can never have more,i am super blessed and i thank the lord for what i have every single day, some people may think its selfish wanting more when you already have kids but everyone has there own needs and wants and the heart knows what it wants. my heart breaks and goes out to every woman struggling weather its the first child or second, having second infertility has been something that I'm still struggling with,
i don't know if we will ever have another bundle of joy to hold but i do know everything happens for a reason, right now our only focus is on our kids and homeschooling and moving and my husband starting a new job. its hard sitting here writing about it but it also helps getting it off my chest.

if you have read this and are still reading THANK YOU!!

as always stay safe and blessed

R~

My Husband Did What????

SO yup we did it, we finally did it...... Ahhh here goes!!!

My husband gave his 2 week notice in at the department and will end his job September 2nd!! this has been a very long coming life change for us, we have been talking about this for a very long time, even though my husband will remain in the same field of work which is law enforcement we have decided to follow our dreams.
We will be saying goodbye to our state and saying HELLO to a new one. I won't include where we are going just yet due to negativity i refuse to feed people with that.
Our big move should be within the next 8 weeks. SOoo now i am scared and excited and anxious and my husband is happy as a kid, he can't wait.... i hate that i suffer with so much anxiety, but i guess someone in the house has too right?

We have been discussing moving for almost 2 years and we have always let things get in the way of chasing our dreams, this time we have decided to give it to god stop worrying and just roll with it as my husband says' my husband has decided to stay in his line of work till maybe something else comes along that he likes, but for now we are stick to what he is qualified in.

We have decided to shout it out to the world, we are happy, we are excited and i don't think we have ever been so ready. We have prayed about it as a family as individuals and as husband and wife, so far god has opened every door we need open so we are taking it as a green light.
We have done multiple research on different states and we had brought it down to 2 and last week we finally picked it and the location, it was a favorite for a few years so it wasn't hard.

All kids are excited and so ready for the move, they truly can't wait. it's a scary move as there are always thoughts at the back of your head if you have done the right thing or if its a mistake or anything else that pops up. living in doubt has never been a thing that i do or for my husband so we would rather have a lesson learned then never knowing.

Obviously the packing started a few weeks back when we knew that we were packing up but now its so real, our joke is we are packing up 6 kids 5 cats and rolling out.

The lord has never lead us in the wrong direction and i know he will never give us more than we can handle, we are super excited yet scared for leaving all the beautiful friends that turned into our family the last 10 years, but we are excited to make new friends and be part of a new church community. Leaving wasn't a hard thing to figure out we have nothing here other than my husbands job, i have no family and my husband don't have close relationships with his sadly so whats ya gonna do!!

Over the years we have learned the hard way that time does not wait for nobody and you have to make the best of it,Well that's it guys, i have been wanting to announce that we are moving for a long time but i had to wait till it was official with his job and other employment and so on.

I hope you will come along the ride with us, and i will be sure to post and upload videos on everything that's going on.

As always stay safe and blessed

R~

Flourless peanut butter cookies (my version)

Ever feel like a cookie but just don't have the energy to make them or be bothered, but wait then when you, you realize oh CRAP I'm diabetic I can't eat those, maybe a bite right? Well I'm not a huge fan of peanut butter but it does give me a little sweetness when I need it, especially in a cookie. So what's so different about these? I use brown sugar instead of white which makes some difference, even thou sugar is sugar so you still have to be careful on how much sugar you consume. 

Look at me again babbling on.... 

Here's the recipe 3 ingredients that's it.

1 cup peanut butter

1 cup brown sugar

1 egg.

Mix it all up,that's it! Simple right? You don't even have to roll them in a ball and dent them, there only going in your belly or kids belly in my case with the exception of 1 whole cookie that's all mine😁😁😁

Here is that short video to go with it guys! 

https://youtu.be/Wfvu_9h38Hg

And while your at it don't forget to like share and subscribe. Where's my manners, PLEASE

Well folks thanks again for coming along this journey with me, even simple things help go along way!

As always be safe and stay blessed.

~R

Fried chicken and biscuits done our way!

As I promised in the video this is my recipe for biscuits, my kids and husband love these, they tend to taste a little like Popeyes" biscuits. My kids love putting jelly on them, sweet butter and sometimes they are known to put Nutella on them too. So let me not bore you anymore and give you the recipe.

2 - 2 1/2 cups of plain flour (depends on weather)

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon baking powder

2 tablespoons shortening 

3/4 stick butter

Ice cold water

Mix all ingredients except water until all crumbly and combined, start adding water slowly till you have a dough feel yet a little sticky feel, once you can handle it without it sticking everywhere just form a disc and with your hands push down with the palm of your hands. Get your cutter and just keep repeating that, I normally get 16 biscuits out of this. 

Hope you enjoy and be sure to check the video out. Don't forget to like,subscribe and share👇🏻

https://youtu.be/T2036b5yq8c

As always guys stay safe and blessed

~R

Too sick to bother?

So after my husband being off for 2 weeks, he finally went back to work yesterday (Friday) and as always when you can't afford to be sick as its back to school what happens, well mommy comes down sick and can barely move out of bed. I wanted to start back up homeschooling on Monday but I truly don't see that happening right now.i truly don't think I can be focused or myself especially one on one with the little girls. Today I can honestly say I am not bothered, I mean I don't have the energy. Today which is Saturday my kids have been playing video games for I don't know how long, they have been eating the house, little girls have been taking out different clothes. Playing with every toy and you know what, it's OK. I've learned a lot the past 18 years of being a mom, that there are days when you just gotta say, if this what it takes so be it. If it takes a day of video games and a day of every clothes dress up then I will pay that price rather then fight and go back and fourth with 6 kids. To be fair everything will be shut down when daddy gets back which will be in an hour hopefully so by 4pm all will be well. 

My point is here that there are days that your going to loose and be ok with it, especially if it gets you rest with a bad head cold. No one said parenting was easy and if it was I'm sure I'll be scared. Right now it's hard just picking my head up let alone chase someone. I have to say though I do have pretty amazing kids, they all made sure to ask what they can get for me, my oldest is currently bathing the little girls and we are picking a movie (yes Disney) to watch till daddy gets home. Oh did I mention that sweet man is cooking so I don't get out of bed? That's love right there😍. I am not up for filming videos but I'm sure I know some little fingers who would. I am really starting to enjoy documenting things, I was looking at a cooking video Antonio did last year and I was taken back by his voice, he has such a manly voice now. Time goes by way too fast and I just want it to stop some days, actually most days.

Well that's all I can write today I am out of juice😔😕 I hear the girls talking and I'm thinking they have picked inside out for the movie,well guys it's Saturday so I hope you enjoy your weekend. Stay safe and blessed as always.

~R

Cooking with kids episode done by daddy😊

What's going on everyone? Hope you all are having an amazing week. As for myself I have caught the kiddies cold so I have been sneezing like crazy today. My husband decided to do a video with 2 of the kids today which went pretty well. When my husband cooks, I always prepare for different unrelated foods, they taste amazing but not something you would put together? Surprisingly everyone cleans there plate up.

His assistants today were Mr Kanye, Ms Savannah and lil Miss Madison was in and out. The link to that video is right here ➡️ https://youtu.be/dMrvAT83zaE

Be sure to like and subscribe and share. 😊

Other than that today has been a really slow day, nothing much has happened in the Bryan household. We are getting ready to start up back homeschooling after 5 weeks off, so I am praying for it to be an easy right back into things.

I will be posting our curriculum for this year later on so stay tuned for that. 

Well guys as always stay safe and blessed.

~R

Ditl rehoboth beach trip Delaware

Even with summer ending very soon, we have to get those last few beach trips in, it was also great as my husband had 2 weeks off work which we really enjoyed as a family and we also snuck in some well deserved dates too. We have a lot of things going on so heading to the beach is always relaxing, even thou the day before is pretty hectic as you spend more or less all day in the kitchen getting things prepared cooked and done. Having 6 kids you always have to make sure you pack more then enough,actually packing more is always recommended in my case with my kiddies and husband. 

I took some video which is on our YouTube channel which I will link below its in 4 parts, I had forgotten my camera so I had to split it up on my phone, I'm sure most you momma's out there know what I mean as all you do is capture memories right? Storage gets full real fast.

This is the link guys be sure to check it out and subscribe please.

https://youtu.be/FLbGoBCCdDg (part 1)

https://youtu.be/2_MK0OGILJU. (Part 2)

https://youtu.be/V-GIoBQOwjU. (Part 3)

https://youtu.be/czsc_bHvCOY  (part 4)

I have some free time so be sure to check back for some recipes and an announcement we have. You will have some blogs to read all week long for sure. 

So as always guys stay safe be blessed.

R~